So I’ve been thinking about it, I know I wasn’t suppose to think about that night but the cuddling, the kissing and the week that had passed it is just so hard not to think about it. I miss him. I know he doesn’t like me if he liked me he would be talking to me more often he would be snapping me and waiting for me to snap back. I know he is a sweet talker and me acting stupid around him is not the answer (yet it is what I do ) I’m not his type I know that the small petite perfect girls . My new plan is too loose the weight that I carry and get down to my goal weight and no boys till that happens. I would however love to talk to him about snapchat boy ! Like why has he suddenly gone cold what happened ? why are we back to the awkward snaps what is that about ? I have to forget them but I don’t think anyone understands how hard that is. Concentrating on my body (or lack of ) all day everyday is depressing. I know I must act confident about it to get the boys but why (for once ) can I not have a boy I like fancy me back ?
I hate you I hate you I hate you. Why would you do this? is it my fault ? you know that he did the exact same thing to me and I told you how upset I was about it, I talked to you, we went for our walk. You were so special to me, I missed you, I laughed with you and I cared about you ! what you said in my card I know we joke about it but that wasn’t funny that left me confused especially the fact that the lads made a joke out of it as if you would never actually be serious about asking me out. Joking about being married and have amazing houses thats all well and good but don’t say something about going out to allow everyone else to make fun of it ! I know you forgot about me over there and I know your type of girl. Its the ones I’m friends with the perfect girls the skinny ones the ones every guy wants. It probably wasnt your fault I wasn’t that drunk you were worse than me with the other stuff so I probably should have stopped it but its hard to stop when I know I wanted it. Now I haven’t talked to you and am terrified things are going to change for the worst. I dont know if you want to forget it or remember it but I want for better or no change at all ! Please are you waitting for me to write to you is it my turn ? WHAT DO I DO ?
you bring us up learning from books, things that wont benifit the majority of us in the future life. we learn how to memorise poems and notes and sheets and then you put us into the college system and they emphasis not to learn from the notes. How are we suppose to learn the ? we are told time and time again children learn better than adults so why would you teach us this way as a child to change it when we get into “adulthood”. That to me is unfair and unjust. You expect us to be the next generation but brought us up in your generation. Another thing which annoys me highly is why didnt we learn the things we really needed to know in school. In 6th year we had comparative studies(my favourite dont get me wrong ) we read a book and watched a movie, why I ask you couldnt we learn to reference? the majority of college courses need refrencing and then at least you are preparing us some way for the future instead of fluffing about doing God only knows what or cares. School for me gave me the best friends I have the best times but not the most useful education. I’m sorry Adrienne Rich and Sive but seriously if you dont do teaching when will you learn them again .Yes if you do english in college maybe….. also my school was very well forward and one of our teachers showed us what turnitin was before we even hit college. We were given computer lessons, typing lessons and leadership programs in 4th year which were all a great benifit ! why does every school not do this ? aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh rant over ha wish me luck exam in 1 hour ! :)
so who do i look to ! who can i ask not to hold it against me ? I really am freaking about these exams i know nothing ! what am i suppose to do ? how is this suppose to work. I dont want to do this course but i refuse to give up ! I dont want to come out with half a degree but i know i want to be a property developer ! that is what i want ! i also dont want to be in Ireland the rest of my life ! while i love it ! its not where i want to live for ever and ever. But if i tell people this they’re going to tell other people. She made it so hard for me to trust anyone. I dont want them throwing it back in my face or telling me how im going to do. With all the people who associate me as their bestie, which one can i turn to ? they will all remember it. bringing up my “countless Loves” (who never fall in love with me ), telling me i have a disease, telling me I wont fail, and just forgetting to listen to me ! i feel left out and i dont like it ! and it doesnt help i look like a beach whale !! i want to cry ! can i do this ?
This really is becoming my place to Bitch. What i dont understand is how when your around we can come off like best friends I can tell you things without feeling judged or trying to be cool I can act whatever way I want and never feel down. We can walk around and confess our undying relationship to the whole world and not give a damn. I’m not afraid of how I act around you ,partially because I know I never need you to look at me in that way or have and kind of love for me and partially because I know you just don’t care. I like hearing about your life and stories, I like hearing about the girls your with and you relationship problems. For some unknown reason it makes me feel important .I know you wouldn’t lie to me because never once have you tried to call me pretty or clever or any of those other compliments boys make without thinking you seam to listen which is weird for a person of your standard ha :)
And then you go, you leave, you go back to your happy life and I wrote to you for the first while said hi expected a reply but none came. Its amazing how one person can leave you feeling so alone without you ever being so close :(
Well that was my study break better be getting back ha
I hate him I hate him I hate him. Right so we all remember the guy from last summer who i ended up with in my bed for the second year running right.So in late September we all go out (our group, i mean ) and i really thought I really looked class right but I brought one of the other girls out with me a girl we all did camp together. The whole time he spend chatting up my friend beside me (my Friend and his, but more mine.) Ok earlier one of his friends went running out to him to tell him i wanted to shift his best friend like literally just after he had told the lads we had shifted. The first time he had admitted this! So that whole night was a mess but we still went with them when they were moving bars. His friend who told him i wanted to shift the friend was also trying to get me to help set them up !! so that was annoying. Now back to last night , well it was my sisters 21st so we were going to the rugby club and then back to my house right so of course he was coming back to the after party which was grand…. Until we got back to the house and like 30 mins after arriving home he ends up and the couch with some girl ive never seen before one of my sisters friends I presume. All night I night I had to walk by them and see all our friends crowd him. While trying not to take this to heart I concentrated on the girls boys dilemmas but still i couldn’t help it its my house he knows or should know not to do this !! And the what didn’t help is that his best friends who I’m very close to and could of explained my dilemma and told me to stop acting the fool weren’t there to help they left me. And this friend was also friends with the majority of the other girls so I couldn’t even explain it to them !! :( It was just so annoying !